‘SNL’ cold open skewers Pete Hegseth on Iran and Kristi Noem’s departure
The “Saturday Night Live” cold open focused on Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s bravado as the U.S. went to war with Iran and Kristi Noem’s resignation from the Department of Homeland Security after a series of debacles.
Colin Jost played an excited Hegseth holding a press conference to discuss growing US military action in Iran. Jost’s Hegseth was typically combative toward the press corps, which consisted almost exclusively of young white men wearing thin ties.
Jost entered with WWE bravado wearing his signature blue suit and American flag pocket square. He praised the success of the American mission. “We are treating Iran like the breathalyzer in my car – we are blowing it up,” Jost said.
Hegseth van Jost reacted angrily when the fake reporters called the events of the past week a war. “It’s a situationship. This is not a war.” He explained the military tactics used in Iran in risky terms.
“We just have an agreement. If it feels good we continue, if we get bored we start connecting with Cuba,” said Hegseth of Jost. When pressed by a reporter about whether the U.S. was willing to put boots on the ground in Iran, Jost’s Hegseth said those boots would essentially be “your mother next to my bed after I hit her.”
Jost’s Hegseth berated the media, taunting, “Y’all are playing chess — I’m playing ‘Grand Theft Auto.’ “
He then declared himself “white Hamilton” and changed the lyrics to one of the most famous lines from the beloved musical: “Just like my country/I’m drunk, angry and horny/And they made me throw away my whiskey.”
Jost’s Hegseth then introduced Padilla’s Noem as someone who had been “transferred under the bus.” Padilla’s Noem came to the podium and declared, “I was not fired. I deported myself.”
The skit also spotlighted the former North Dakota governor for her penchant for glamor and putting herself in front of the camera. “As I told my plastic surgeon, the work is never done” and “The time has come for me to give up my badge, gun, lips, eyelashes, teeth and forehead.”
The skit poked fun at Noem’s infamous admission in her autobiography that she once shot one of her dogs (“You miss 100% of the dogs you don’t shoot”) and addressed rumors that Noem, who is married, has had an intimate relationship with Trump aide Corey Lewandowski.
Noem van Padilla said she will move on to a new role as head of the Trump-created Shield of the Americas entity. She said her new office “is in a WeWork space outside of Denver and it is spectacular.”
The March 7 episode of “Saturday Night Live” marks actor Ryan Gosling’s fourth time as host. The musical guest is the British band Gorillaz led by Blur frontman Damon Albarn. It is the band’s first appearance on ‘SNL’.
“SNL” is a promotional stop for Gosling as he spotlights his latest film, Amazon MGM’s sci-fi epic “Project Hail Mary,” which opens March 20. Gosling last hosted “SNL” on April 13, 2024.
