Seth Meyers’ best jokes at NBCUniversal Upfronts
Seth Meyers closed the NBCUniversal on Monday morning at Radio City Music Hall with a lot of criticism of his bosses. But perhaps his sharpest jokes were reserved for rival CBS and its Paramount Skydance owners.
“CBS did not have an advance presentation this year, because CBS only describes in advance how they paid Trump to drop the lawsuit,” he said to applause from the audience.
Earlier in his comedy routine for the assembled media brass, Meyers noted that NBC was the No. 1 television network for the 2025-2026 season: “After more than a decade, we took down CBS. Well, the Ellisons did that, but I like to think we helped. Seriously, what’s going on with that? They’re so in Trump’s pocket that next year I heard ‘Survivor’ is in the Strait of Hormuz!”
And referring to the upcoming merger between Paramount Skydance and Warner Bros. Discovery, Meyers added: “Paramount Skydance has announced that it plans to merge its Paramount+ streaming service with HBO Max. So now you get all your favorites in one place. Plus Paramount+!”
Paramount wasn’t the only target of Meyers’ barbs. The “Late Night With Seth Meyers” host noted that while NBCU continues to host its annual upfront at Radio City Music Hall, Netflix this year has moved its event to Sunset Pier 94: “Netflix hosts its upfronts on a pier on the Hudson River,” he said, “because once a Netflix show goes two seasons, that’s where they dump his body.”
Then there was a joke to his former cable colleagues: “And if you’re from out of town and someone harasses you for money on the subway, don’t panic. That’s just the Versant afterparty.”
Meyers opened his routine by introducing himself: “I’m Seth Meyers – or as the FCC calls me, ‘next.'”
But he also had a few jokes aimed at Comcast, starting with NBC noting last year: “NBC had everything: the Olympics, the Super Bowl. The more you think about it, the more it breaks your heart that we’re standing here selling next year. NBC has the Emmys this year. Well, we air them. HBO is the one that actually gets to get them.”
But he also had a few jokes aimed at Comcast, starting with the fact that even though the conglom was making a play for Warner Bros. Discovery, it might not have been that powerful.
“Comcast also made an offer, but no one thought we would actually get it,” he said. “It was kind of like that one friend who always pretends to reach for his wallet when the bill comes: ‘No, no, Comcast, you can do it next time.’ “Thanks, I’m a little light after buying the NBA.”
“Speaking of streamers, Comcast said on its most recent earnings call, that peacock is approaching profitability the same way Kevin Hart is getting almost seven feet tall,” he said. “But it’s an exciting time for Peacock. Season 8 of ‘Love Island USA’ premieres in June. So please, get the HPV vaccine. If you’re the advertising rep for Valtrex, what are you waiting for?”
Speaking of “Love Island,” Meyers noted that the Peacock series is back. “That’s ‘Love Island,’ the show that President Trump calls ‘I’ve never been there!’”
He also noted that NBCUniversal last year poached “Yellowstone” creator Taylpr Sheridan from Paramount in a deal reportedly worth $1 million — “which means I’m finally getting a call from my dad asking, ‘What channel is NBC on?’ I love Taylor Sheridan, but I can never figure out if he’s white Tyler Perry or straight Ryan Murphy. Or is it Dick Wolf in a cowboy hat? Personally, I just hope that Taylor Sheridan will participate in the first livestock show in Chicago. Get excited for ‘Chicagio Beef!’”
Speaking of Wolf, Meyers noted that “Law & Order: SVU” was renewed for season 28. “And I don’t want to spoil any guest stars, but let’s just say: Prince Andrew has applied for his SAG card!”
Vin Diesel was at the forefront of announcing the “Fast and the Furious” series in development at Peacock. “But watch the rising oil prices, he now mentions Vin Ethanol… there was a car here for ‘the Fast & Furious’ – but only because Tiger Woods crashed it in the lobby.”
“NBC Sunday Night Football” was watched by an average of 23.5 million viewers this year – “and to boost the ratings this year, Mike Tirico and Cris Collingsworth will embark on a ‘Heated Rivalry’-esque affair. It’s going to be really steamy, and Cris will be calling all the games with a Russian accent.”
For his closing, Meyers had another joke in store for his Eye competitors: “NBC turns 100 years old this year. That means it’s looking at CBS right now.”
