Tracy Morgan and Marcello Hernández on SNL, Eddie Murphy, Making Babies

Hernández: I think about that a lot. The people I look up to in comedy, I wish we were in school together. Have you had problems at school? I talked too much. They said I was up to mischief.

Morgan: Do you know who gave you that voice? They had no control over that, because God gave it to you.

Morgan: I can’t stand teachers. Do you know why? Because they have a ceiling. They have a limit. That’s all they’ll ever be. I teach my children: Sky is the limit. Do you know where you are?

Hernández: No, I have no idea.

Morgan: You on ‘SNL’.

Hernández: I can’t believe it.

Morgan: Believe it. You did that. You! Me! We did it. And we’re not done yet. What was the 50th [season] like seeing all those celebrities?

Hernández: I didn’t know how to talk to Eddie Murphy because I always wanted to be as physical as him. I was nervous and I saw the sneakers he was wearing and I thought, “Oh, I have those.” And then he looked at me and said, “You have them because they look cool. I have them because they support my body.”

Morgan: That’s Ed.

Tuesday [at “SNL”] is writing evening. Then you are at the peak of your creativity. That’s the only time you have creative control, and you hope on Wednesday that your stuff is on the right side of the board, because if it’s on the left side, you’re in trouble. When I wasn’t on the show [because my sketches were rejected] — I have a wife and children at home. They want to see me on television. I sat in my dressing room and played a song and I cried. Then I would have to go on stage, pretend and say goodbye. And smile when your heart breaks.

Hernández: That’s how I feel.

Morgan: I wanted it that bad. I’m still like that. Do you know why we do comedy? Need. But once you make it, you surround yourself with people who have to do this out of necessity. You may not have to pay any bills because you made it through. But they had bills to pay, so they had to be funny. I got hit by a Walmart truck, so with the money I have, I don’t have to do this. But I surround myself with people who have to do this and love it.

I’m rooting for you. Eddie is rooting for you. Show me your hands. Get them out. [They touch hands.] She soft. Do you know why they are soft? Because all you do is count money and touch women.

Hernández: Show me yours.

Morgan: Soft. I don’t do anything else. All I do is touch my wife and count money. Do you know what I want to do with my life? I want to do karate and get girls pregnant. Don’t you have children?

Hernández: No.

Morgan: Well, you better stop backing away. Told that to my son. “Stop pulling away. I want to see my grandchildren. Every time I turn around, you pull away. You need to stop that.”

Hernández: You have some Latina mom energy now.

Morgan: I’m trying to break Bob Marley’s record.

Hernández: How many children do you have now?

Morgan: I have about twenty, as far as I know. I’m trying to produce a nation. This boy is learning a lot right now.

Hernández: I am. I study. I study.

Morgan: People love characters – Domingo is a favorite. But I want you to go to the ‘Weekend Update’ desk, and I don’t want you to wear a mustache or anything. Use your common name. That’s what Eddy told me. Because you don’t want to travel through the airport and have people call you Domingo for the next twenty years. That’s not what your mother called you. When I go to the airport, they say, “Hey, Tracy.” Eddie showed me how to be a household name. Do your characters; that’s great. But when you do ‘Update’, you do that too.

Hernández: Do you miss it?

Morgan: “SNL”? It was the time of my life. I was young. I didn’t know anything, and that’s where I learned it. That’s why I say Lorne Michaels looks like my dad. My father died in ’87, but he worked through Lorne. He said, ‘Take care of my boy.’ Just like you. You are learning now. You keep getting better. What did your audition tape look like?

Hernández: I’m talking about my mother. She fled Cuba when she was twelve. So I said you can’t have a bad day when your mother escapes from Cuba. Every day I woke up and my mother was making breakfast and saying, “Have a nice day at school, Marcello. Remember, I’m setting you free.”

Morgan: What was the very first thing you ever did on “SNL”?

Hernández: This thing about how it’s more fun to watch Latino baseball players than white guys. It was something like, “Who would you rather see play baseball? Kyle from Kentucky or a man they call Papa and no one knows why? When a white man goes to the plate, he says hello to the pitcher and just waits for the ball. The Dominican man makes the sign of the cross on the plate – ‘In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit’ – and his hips are so crazy that the whole stadium is pregnant. And then he hits a home run. When he gets back home, he hits thank everyone he ever has met in his entire life. ‘Thank you to my mother and my father and my sister and my brother and everyone I’ve ever met and the man in the bodega who gave me the opportunity. platanito that one time. ”

Morgan: You know what you’re bringing to that show?

Hernández: Adobo, garlic and pepper.

Morgan: You bring the Latin community. I want you to always understand this: When you go on stage, you have a million assholes with you. When I do stand-up, I’m brave up there because I’m not alone. I have my ancestors with me. That’s why me [created the character] Dominican Lou. I took my life with me. I grew up in the Bronx. And you see who I travel with.

Hernández: Let the record show that Tracy Morgan is going to work with the Dominicans.

Do you know who is one of my friends that I love so much? Ardie Fuqua.

Morgan: That’s my husband. He was involved in the accident with me. He was in a coma for twenty days. I was in it for 10 days. We were doing a show together that night in Delaware, and we got hit by a car. That truck was going 70 miles per hour with 85,000 pounds of frozen food in the back. And my friend Jimmy Mack – God bless – his neck was so broken his face was on his back.

Hernández: I speak for all of us when I say we’re so happy and blessed to have you here, man.

Morgan: Thank you. Lorne must have called my ex-wife about a thousand times to see if I was out of the coma.

Hernández: You work with Harry Potter. You work with Daniel Radcliffe [on “The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins”].

Morgan: It’s not often that you’re a cool dad. All my kids were Harry Potter fans, so I’m a cool dad.

Hernández: You’ve always been a cool dad, brother. You are Tracy Morgan.

Morgan: I’m just glad Tina and Rob [Carlock] and Sam Means believed in me and gave me another chance. We’re all from ‘Saturday Night Live,’ and then we did ’30 Rock,’ and now we’re back in the saddle. It’s a very funny show, and I love it.

Hernández: You have Bobby Moynihan with you.

Morgan: He was on [“SNL”] when I first hosted. He was shocked. But that’s how I was with Tim Meadows and Will Ferrell. I went through a phase where I felt culturally isolated. And then one morning, around three in the morning, Lorne Michaels called me into his office and said: [imitating Michaels’ voice] “Tracy, I didn’t hire you because you’re black, I hired you because you’re funny.” And that’s when I let go and let God. Just like you. You may have felt a little culturally isolated, but no. You belong, brother. You’re on top. There are new cast members you need to support and give advice to.

Hernández: Kenan [Thompson] did that for me early on.

Morgan: Who do you think did it for him? [Gestures at himself.] Have fun. Stay funny. If I have to give comedy advice, I just say “stay funny.”

Hernández: Also stay on stage.

Morgan: Or work at the post office. There’s plenty of work there. Someone needs to lick those stamps.

Hernández: Is that what they do at the post office?

Morgan: They gotta lick stamps, man. You don’t want that. Never let anything get in your way. You’re old-fashioned funny. Carol Burnett. Jackie Gleason. You go to talk shows. I did Jimmy Kimmel last night. I was talking about my colonoscopy.

Hernández: What?

Morgan: He was down there messing around. You get your asshole checked when you’re fifty.

Hernández: No way. Ew.

Morgan: You better! You don’t want to find out that you don’t have cancer there or something. You better get yourself examined. I just felt pregnant. They did a little more than colonoscopy.

Yo, I wanna tell you something, man. I love you, man.

Hernández: Oh man. Tracy, I love you, brother. I mean it.

Morgan: Come here.

[They hug.]

Prop styling and art direction: Shawn Patrick Anderson/Acme Studios; Prop Styling Assistant: Joseph Bell